Etiquette Occasions Styling

Funeral etiquette

Saying goodbye to someone is always hard. It’s not only a difficult time for the bereaved, but also for friends, acquaintances and any carers involved. It’s an occasion that brings up a lot of emotions. So it’s completely understandable if you find it difficult or uncomfortable to know how to act. You want to support the family as best you can, but perhaps you’ve never attended a funeral before, or you’re dealing with overwhelming feelings yourself. In this article, we outline what you can expect at a funeral, along with practical guidelines.

05-09-2023·Calculate reading time

Attending a funeral can raise questions: what do you say to the bereaved, and what should you wear? This guide helps you choose respectful words and appropriate clothing.

How do I respond to a death notice?

This depends on your relationship with the deceased. In any case, it is wise to express your condolences as soon as possible. If the person is close to you, it is appreciated if you get in touch by phone, however short the conversation may be. In addition, a handwritten message on a card is an appropriate way. Of course, there is nothing wrong with a sincere response to a social media post. You can also leave a thought in a condolence register when one is made available.

What do I say to the bereaved?

Sincerity and compassion are the most important. So take the time to think carefully about what you want to say or write. Do you have fond memories of the person? Then you can certainly share these. Focus here on conveying your feelings respectfully. Avoid clichés such as “They are in a better place now” or “Heaven needed an angel”; these statements can be perceived as insensitive and increase the grief. Don't know what to say? Then you can keep it to “My condolences on your loss” or “My sincere sympathy”. You could also offer practical help should there be a need for it.

Wear appropriate, respectful clothing. Avoid bright colours and bold patterns.

What to wear to a funeral?

Your relationship with the deceased determines how you will say goodbye. When it is a family member, you take up a central position on the day of the funeral. Sometimes the mourning card contains instructions about what people should wear, for example the favourite colour of the deceased.

In general it is customary to wear subdued, dark colours. Think of a black, anthracite or dark blue suit. You wear this with a clean, white shirt and possibly a dark tie. Keep your suit as simple as possible in order to keep the attention on the occasion.

Should it be appropriate, you can choose to combine garments of the same colour with each other. This kind of 'tone-on-tone' outfit gives a refined and respectful impression. For example, you can wear a dark blue shirt with a dark blue suit. Do not forget to also wear smart men's shoes for a respectful appearance.

How should I behave at a funeral?

It is good to realise that every funeral is different. Some choose a simple farewell in a neutral setting, while others prefer elaborate ceremonies in a place of worship. Here too it is important to keep in mind that you are there for the family, not for yourself. So bear the following points in mind: